Learnings in Life

Why I Go to the Zoo? 
So most FB friends of mine know that I haul my cookies and my kiddos to the zoo more frequently than any sane human… And I have received comments, side-eyes, and questions on why.
Well, let me start by saying I’m not trying to win any awards for most visits or best mom. I get the distinct feeling from certain folks’ comments and expressions, that they think I’m either trying to show-up other moms, show-off my fun side, or that I’m acting like a “Real Housewife” just wasting my days going to the zoo (instead of cleaning or cooking something)!
Well, my answer is quite simple. I go, because it makes me feel good about me—-?… meaning, I get to be the mom I want to be when we are there! 
Bottom-line: My kids and I get along really well at the zoo. We love the outdoors, walking around, and seeing the animals…. And something about the zoo just puts us in a good place. There’s enough space (on non-weekend, busy days) to let my 2 year old run wild with reckless abandon. So I don’t have to hold her down or box her in! And I don’t have to yell after her, or correct her, or discipline her….We really just enjoy the scenery, the endorphins, and each other! 
On top of that primary reason, there are all of these other minor excuses to go at least every week:
1) I get to walk 4 miles pushing approximately 50 lbs up and down all sorts of hills—-vs. getting on a boring treadmill for an hour!
2) I friggin’ love animals. You never know what they are going to do… Last week a gorilla threw a head of lettuce at us and it landed right in front of our stroller. Yesterday, CJ ticked off a momma lion by waking her up with her “toddler-lion-roar”…seriously the lioness woke up looked right at CJ with a “I will eat your arse”-kind-of-look, and then fell back asleep. And 2 weeks ago we saw 2 joeys in a momma Kangaroo’s pouch! It’s amazing, and it’s always something new and exciting!
3) It’s free. Seriously it’s a stay-at-home-momma’s dream. Here are a few quick keep-it-free-tips: park at turtle park (free), pack your lunch and treats, pack a few pennies so your kiddos can throw them in the elephant wishing well by the north entrance, buy the big ole souvenir cup and bring it each time ($1 to refill), and get there during the first hour of opening to get into free stuff (children’s zoo, petting sting rays, riding carousel—times vary for seasons, so call if unsure).
4) It’s outside. Not many things to enjoy outside year-round. And I truly believe that my best trips have been on rainy days because animals act differently and you get the place to yourself.
5) It’s momma-friendly. Notice I didn’t state the obvious—child-friendly. It’s momma friendly: (1) free, (2) auto open buttons for all buildings which is great if you are pushing a stroller, (3) enough nooks & crannies to allow you to find a private nursing location for lunch, (4) other ill-behaved children are usually within earshot so you don’t feel alone?, (5) wide paths for lots of kids/strollers, (6) no noise limit, & (7) of course lots of bathrooms with changing tables, rooms for strollers, and family stalls. 
6) No time requirement-guilt. Since it’s free, if my kiddo is having an “off day” I can leave without guilt about how much I paid for parking or a ticket. Our visits are usually 2-3 hours max, but I’ve cut them down to 30 mins on bad-behavior days!
Anywho, there you have it… My perspective of my zoo-addiction. Peace out ?. 

On the morning of September 11, 2001, I was sitting in my stateroom aboard the U.S. Coast Guard Cutter DRUMMOND in the very beautiful tourist town of Port Canaveral, FL. I was 24 years old and had just been assigned to this cutter a couple months earlier. There weren’t many folks onboard that day because we had just returned home the day before after being deployed for a few weeks, and our crew was enjoying a much-needed day off with family. I was in for the morning, knowing we would only have a skeleton crew onboard, which would be the perfect atmosphere for me to finish some paperwork in the much-needed silence. I was not in uniform, since it wasn’t a scheduled work day; I was totally relaxed, just knocking out my to-do list in flip flops, a t-shirt and shorts. A couple hours later, with most of my tasks completed, I had just started to think how I would be heading home shortly. Right then, the crewmember on duty came flying up to my door and said, “XO, a plane just hit one of the World Trade Centers.”  Although it was shocking and sad news to hear, I was not scared. I just assumed it was some sort of aviation mishap, and therefore, kept focused on my pile of papers. A few minutes later, the same crewmember was standing in my doorway again, and I knew it was bad. 

 

The US Coast Guard Port Canaveral Station was home to several boats and cutters, including ours, and was typically a sleepy-fishing-station, aka “Station Vacation”. That morning though, the station quickly came to life. Security levels instantly escalated, and leadership meetings were pulled together for all the different residing units. My sister and I lived in an apartment together on Merritt Island, FL a few miles away, and I rushed home as soon as all the initial leadership briefings ended. I needed to change, pack, and get back to the ship, so we could get underway.  I remember feeling absolutely-frantic—so much so, that I remember unintentionally driving over one of those concrete parking-lot-space-dividers in my brand-new, eclipse convertible on my way home… scratching the heck out of the bottom of my car. I knew then, as I kept looking up to the sky for any planes, that I was officially scared; scared for the safety of my family back home, for the future of our country, and for the changing plans in the Coast Guard. Most importantly, I was scared for the safety/strength of all first responders, service men & women, and all their families, as the operational tempo across the globe significantly escalated.

We followed our orders and quickly got underway the next morning at sunrise. There was an eerie fog across the channel, which was lined with restaurants, businesses, and bars. I was driving the ship from the top bridge, with the Captain by my side answering the radio. I was more alert than normal to any sounds or movements in front of me, not sure of what to expect, and still wondering if the eminent danger was truly over. As the engine kicked off and on to adhere to the no-wake zone, we slowly made our way out of the channel towards open water. On one of the moments when the engine cut off, we heard clapping off in the distance. As we looked towards the sound, we were surprised to see that we were being given a standing ovation by any and all spectators on the decks/piers.

 

I still get chills thinking back to the sound of those far off cheers. 

God Bless America

 

My Easter Reflection
I’m sitting here soaking up some serious heat in my bathtub and reflecting about the crazy & beautiful Easter Day I just experienced. There were so many hugs & kisses, and plenty of gift-giving, worshipping, egg-hunting, pigging out, and resting. But on the flip side, there were tantrums, and lots of rushing, correcting, hauling, cooking, cleaning, etc. So, my Easter was filled with a nice balance of highs and lows, with the day really feeling like a win overall! 
Spring and the Easter Holiday have a funny way of kickin’-up some of my yearnings of self-reflection, reminding me of our wonderful ability to continuously renew & rejuvenate our lives at any given moment…
To me, there is something so calming and so peaceful about being able to hit the reset button at any time in life, especially when you are then able to push your new life beyond boundaries you hadn’t ever imagined were possible.
As I’m sitting here thinking back over past Easters or Springtimes, I’m amazed at how many peaks and valleys I’ve endured, and how most (if not all) were not in my “life plan”.
Here is a summary from just the past few years (around Easter):
2004- Filled with fear and anxiety about getting ready to come home and change careers after spending 9 years away in the Coast Guard. 
2005- Filled with grief from having both of my grandmas pass away.
2006- Filled with excitement about recent engagement.
2007- Filled with fear of marriage difficulties.
2008- Continued fear of marriage difficulties and anxiety about decision to change career again.
2009- Continued fear and sadness about inability to change state of marriage, but optimism about new career path.
2010- Absolutely lost in grief, embarrassment, fear, and disappointment due to divorce.
2011- Optimism of new serious relationship and motivated by continued success in career. Sadness of sister/family moving away.
2012- Excitement about upcoming wedding and continued motivation about career progress.
2013- Excitement about upcoming birth of first child, severe anxiety/isolation with being bedridden 3 months, & work on pause.
2014- Truly enjoying life with 1 baby and motivated by work progress. 
2015- Excitement about upcoming birth of 2nd baby, and worry for 1st baby adjustment. Grieving loss of 2 pets. Excitement of sister/family moving back!
2016- So much beauty, busyness and messiness surrounding life with 2 kiddos…. Worried about return to work and finding the right balance for myself and my family. 

 

If someone 10-12 years ago would’ve asked me if the lumpy, bumpy, staggered path I just described would be a summary of MY life, I would’ve laughed … This is not what I pictured. This was not my plan. My plan, of course, had a lot more “highs” and really no “lows”. My plan had me skyrocketing to the top of my career path with 2.5 children, a nice house, a well-behaved dog, the perfect marriage, and nothing but blue skies. 
My plan didn’t have the words: death, unmotivated, struggling, divorce, anxiety, bedrest, counseling, embarrassment, failure, etc. My plan, honestly, didn’t account for LIFE. And as a result, my plan would’ve skipped right over all the new learnings, life lessons, and redevelopment of myself. 
I honestly never planned that I wouldn’t be moved or motivated by the family-business. I know for sure that I never planned to slow my career & life pace down in order to provide more precious moments with my babies. I never planned to find empathy deep inside myself for other working moms, or SAHMs, or first time moms, or bedridden moms. I never planned on a lot of things. It’s true, my original plan would’ve been a lot less painful, but I would never have grown or loved like I have learned to love on the path I’ve been given.
So on this Easter, I sit here loving my messy life, feeling very blessed for each time I have tripped and fell. So I will try to spend my last few restful minutes of today, thanking God for each redirection & blessing in my life, and building my faith and courage for whatever peak or valley comes next on my fabulous, messy, little journey.

I work for Procter & Gamble, and their benefits allow employees to take up to 1 year off (not paid, but your job is secure) following the birth of a child. I took 8 months off with my first child (2013), and I maxed out the full year this time around with my 2nd child which is sadly ending next week. With this chapter of my life closing, I want to share a few of my learnings about this time with my friends. 

Prior to becoming a mom, I had a different opinion about maternity leave. I would hear a lot of opinions at work or in social settings, about whether or not mothers should take this time off. I’d have to say, there were quite a few people (especially grandparent-types) that voiced their support for it, and really thought it was a great benefit that should be maxed out. However, others adamantly thought it was too much time off and were worried that the time off may or may not be used efficiently. Of all the different opinions I heard, the strongest critics were almost always working-women, often making statements, like, “Well, I couldn’t stand being home that long, I’d go stir-crazy” or, “I just needed a few months off to heal, I’m ready to be back at it”. Just listening to so many young working-women (especially if they work in a male-dominated field) use the same phrases to explain why they don’t need this time off… well, it just makes me sad. To me it sounds like strong women, trying to explain away the need to be maternal. You can tell many feel they will wear some sort of badge of honor for getting back to their pre-baby work life as quickly as possible. They seem to think this will show how tough and un-phased they can be by the new HUGE addition in their lives. And embarrassingly enough, I have to admit, I was one of those critics—not so much caring what time others took off, but more so thinking there was no way I would take this time off. I mean, I am a veteran, alpha-female, tough-shell-kind-of-chick, right? I wanted to show the world that I didn’t need to stop and smell the roses with my kiddos. I definitely didn’t want a bunch of guys at work thinking I needed “preferential treatment”, right? I mean, I spent my years in the military trying to prove that I was equal to my male-counterparts, so why would I “get soft” now? I think my younger self was afraid that taking this time off might appear to be a sign of weakness. I grew up with a work hard, play hard mentality, and no silly baby was going to affect my work or my fun. 
Well, I was wrong. I was so, so wrong.
Not only did my “fun” (meaning, going out with friends regularly to concerts, bars, restaurants, movies, etc.) come to a screeching halt, but my opinion on work-life balance changed. I was surprised by the shift in my vision of a good life. For example, it cracks me up that I was worried about the baby affecting my ability to go out every weekend?!?! No one warned me that it would be ME wanting to stay home & hold my babies as much as I could—honestly, I think the kids would prefer we go out more, for their sanity?

And for an example from my work life, after having my first child I took 8 months of maternity leave, and when I returned to work I “cut” back my hours a bit to 40-50/week. I found out the hard way that it was too much time away from my baby (for me and my child). Bad behaviors developed in my kiddo because she was at a daycare 12 hours/day and my stress level from my fast-paced role and missing my baby was affecting my abilities to compassionately parent. So with my second (and final) child, I learned from my past mistakes, and decided to take the full year of maternity leave off, and then go back to work part time for 20 hours/week. Luckily, Procter & Gamble also offers this option.
This wasn’t preferential treatment, like I was fearing. This was fair treatment. It would be preferential if my male counterparts & I were in fact equal. But we are not. Well, not until men are able to give birth to children. Until then, we are different, and this is fair treatment for a woman who just gave birth to her young. BTW, somewhere during the delivery process of my first child, these thoughts started to take root?
So, the 8 months I took off with my first child was wonderful and peaceful and amazing; just one little quiet peanut and I at home. But this past full year off, where I have been able to be stress-free (from work issues only?), and as a result be fully present with both of my girls at totally different stages in their lives, has been a true blessing. And I’m not sure what the future holds for me and my work life. I’ve learned enough to know, “Make plans, God laughs.” But I do see me going back to the corporate world full time at some point because “accomplishing the mission” (whether at sea or on a manufacturing floor) has been in my blood for too long now! 
So, in an attempt to possibly help others who may be struggling with the decision of how much time to take off due to their own personal standards/goals/visions, I wanted to capture everything I was able to accomplish with my family and my home/personal life during these 12 months off. This is in no way to brag or show how busy we were—I mean, if you are reading this, you have seen my “FOR REAL” posts where we have seen our fair share of tantrums, bitings, near-drownings, etc. This is instead to capture how invaluable of a gift it is to receive the chance to spend this time with your little ones.

 

Places visited:

Arcola, Illinois 

Bass Pro St. Charles 

Beaver Dam State Park

Berry Park

Bethalto Culp Lane Park

Blumenhoff Winery 

Busch Stadium

Carlinville Refugee Coffee House

Carlyle Lake

Destin, Fl (Boathouse, AJs, McGuires, Beach, etc.)

Drewel Park

Edwardsville Airplane Park 

Edwardsville Children Museum

Fairview Heights Shopping

Fitness & Fun Bethalto Illinois

Kircher Park

Lions Park

Midway Park

Grafton, Illinois

Grant’s Farm

Wood River Park

Montelle Winery

Outlet Malls (Chesterfield)

Peabody Opera House

Purina Farm

Rigazzis

South County Mall

St. Louis Mills

Science center

St. James, MO

Sybills, St. James

The Galleria

Union Station

World Class Gym, Illinois 

Zoo (50+ times)

1st Baptist Bethalto Park
Events attended:

Alton Memorial Day Parade 

Alton’s Staycation Amtrak Deal ($4 round trip to STL)

Arcola Broom Festival 

Bass Pro Holiday Crafts 6 wks 

Blackberry-Pickin’ at Grafton Eckerts

Boo at the Zoo Nights 

Boo at the Zoo Spooky Saturday

Cardinals Game at Busch Stadium

Carrie Underwood at Chaifetz Arena

Elks Christmas Party

Dogtown St. Patty’s Day

Downtown St. Patty’s Day

Fishing Trip, Carlyle Lake 

Grafton Illinois (Historical Boat Display)

Grafton Ferry Trip

IHOP Veteran’s Day Meal

Jason Aldean/Kenny Chesney at Arrowhead Stadium

Jerseyville Fair

Leisure World Gym (2-3x/week)

MOPS meetings (2x/month)

Monthly School District Play dates

Multiple Church Chicken Dinner Festivals

Prairietown Parade & World’s Fair

Pumpkin-Picking at Rhoades Family Farm

Springtime Village at Purina Farms

Zoo Veteran’s Day Sale 

Zoo Wild Nights

1st Baptist Church Bethalto Fall Festival

9/11 Veteran’s Free Pass Milstadt Eckerts
Projects completed:

Completed monthly pics to show. growth of Chayce

Created the 2015 Family Photobook.

Created a Birth Photobook of Chayce.

Created a Birth Photobook of Charleigh.

Created a craft room & storage space for me on 2nd floor.

Created a craft storage space for girls in kitchen.

Created a family calendar with all vacations, 5-6 fishing trips, family events spelled out for 2016.

Decorated the house for every holiday.

Designed, ordered, hung canvas pictures of maternity & newborn pictures.

Held multi-family garage sale.

Hosted 5 different family/friends holiday/bday parties at our home.

Made/sold numerous crafts.

Made personal birthday gifts & Father’s Day gifts for the family.

Made personal Christmas gifts for the grandparents with pics of the girls. 

Organized clothes storage for the girls in laundry room (so they can access them easily).

Planned/executed Chayce’s baptism and brunch. 

Planned/executed a week-long family vacation (including my parents) in Destin, FL.

Planned/executed our 1st two-kid fishing trip.

Reorganized toy storage in living room (3 times).

Reorganized kitchen storage to hold bottles/bibs/diapers/wipes again.

Spent weeks & several weekends in Eureka helping out my family with flood recovery.

Switched out clothes sizes 5 times for Chayce and 2 times for Charleigh.

Wrote and recorded a song for Chayce.
Milestones observed:

Chayce’s 1st breath

Chayce’s 1st cry

Chayce’s 1st word

Chayce smiling

Chayce laughing

Chayce getting her 1st tooth 

Chayce starting to sit up

Chayce belly-crawling

Chayce actually crawling

Chayce pulling up

Chayce’s 1st step

Chayce’s 1st cold

Chayce’s 1st shot

Chayce’s 1st tantrum

Chayce’s 1st discipline

Chayce’s 1st attempt to touch outlet

Chayce advancing to shower time

Chayce’s 1st round of holidays & all the excitement that comes with it 

Chayce’s 1st Cardinals Game 

Chayce’s baptism.

Charleigh potty-trained

Charleigh learning ABC songs

Charleigh learning to count to 20

Charleigh learning to talk in full sentences

Charleigh learning to dress herself

Charleigh learning to brush her own teeth with big girl toothpaste:)

Charleigh learning chores: how to put clothes in laundry, clean her tray, put trash in the trashcan, put dishes in sink, put clothes in her drawers, get clothes out of her drawers

Charleigh memorizing books

Charleigh reciting songs

Charleigh jumping in the pool (going under, & getting head wet)

Charleigh learning to play soft with her sister (kind of)

Charleigh learning to share (kind of)

Charleigh learning the same/different concept

Charleigh completing puzzles up to 25 pieces by herself

Charleigh attending first school events

Charleigh’s 1st professional manicure

Charleigh able to sit in church quietly with me instead of nursery.

Both girls —1st camping trip.

Both girls —1st political rally. 

Both girls —1st time to vote.

Both girls —1st trip to beach/ocean.
Moments shared:

8 months of breastfeeding.

Baby (14 yo dog) passing away

Family vacation memories including the grandparents.

Fishing at dusk.

Getting to visit with my nieces/nephews at least monthly, including seeing Carrie Underwood Concert.

Girls visited grandpa (in Illinois) at least a couple times a week.

Grasping onto those perfect, quiet, quick 4 days in the hospital with my fresh, sweet baby girl. 

Holding my girls, and singing them to sleep every day at nap time.

Holiday crafting, gift-giving, seeing the expressions on the littles faces…

Lazy mornings snuggling together.

Leaving them at their new daycare for a practice?

Long walks and talks and “I Spy”.

Lots of bath/shower times.

Lots of trips to Eureka so girls could see my family.

Lots of my family visiting our home.

Lots of reading time.

Lots of craft time.

Meeting amazing friends (and eating wonderful food) at MOPS.

Precious girlfriend weekend away, so daddy could get 1-1 time with the girls! 

Random picnics in the park.

Santa/Easter Bunny visits.

Sharing communion for the first time with Charleigh.

Sick day cuddles.

Sledding together.

Snuggles with my girls.

Swimming at dawn.

Swimming at dusk.

Teaching my girls to hug, love, be kind, swim, be active, be strong, follow rules (kind of), stay outdoors, etc.

Trick-or-treating with the family.

Waking up to Charleigh crawling into bed.

Waking up to the sun.

Waking up to hearing my girls on their monitors.

Watching my girls play together.

Watching Chayce’s personality start to show.

Watching Charleigh make-believe play.

Watching the girls meet & interact with teachers & peers at MOPS, gym daycare, and school district play date. 

Zoo time = perfect bonding & burning (calories) time.

ONE ENTIRE YEAR HOME WITH MY GIRLS … PRICELESS.

Thank you, Procter & Gamble for allowing this important time off with my kiddos.