Let’s start the difficult conversations … to get us moving towards a solution.
I keep hearing how it is a time for difficult conversations.
The term “conversation” implies questions and statements are allowed in both directions.
I have a few statements/points here I’d like to make, followed by what could be an uncomfortable question, open for conversation. Any hate, in any direction, will be erased from my thread.
I’ve done a lot of self-reflection over the last few weeks.
I keep hearing that because I am white I must hate Black Americans. Or that I must have bias against Black Americans. That I must be internally racist towards Black Americans… and from Matt McConaughey’s interview that I need “to acknowledge that I’ll see a black man and, for whatever reason, I will view them as more of a threat than a white man. Probably because society told me to”.
This doesn’t have me questioning my heart, because the hate isn’t inside of me. I wasn’t taught to hate anyone, ever.
But regardless, like all of us, I’ve done a lot of self reflection on this over the past few weeks. Thinking through scenarios that could have caused me to treat a Black American differently than any other person, or situations where I have been scared of Black Americans more than others.
What I realized in this self-reflection is 2 things:
#1 I grew up in a different world. I grew up when people who were gay had to hide it, where women who were raped were always blamed, and where interracial relationships were frowned upon. But the world has changed, and most of those injustices are on the right path to being eliminated. Are they 100% fixed?—-no. For example: Back in my military years, was I a victim of sexual harassment/discrimination/assault—-yes. Did I report it back in the day? Hell, no—-because I saw how women were treated afterwards. Would I report it now? Maybe—-the system is still scary. But for the last few years all sorts of intelligent fellow human beings have been pushing change forward to correct a terrible injustice in our system. Is the fix fast enough—-never. But we are getting there.
So as for the world back then, I can’t even relate or remember connecting to what the world was like, because I was a kid. The world when we were children didn’t define us. Did it hurt us, at times? Sure. But I am not responsible for how our world operated when I was a child. I grew up, got educated on the world, personally fought against injustices I had experienced through sexual harassment/assault on various task forces, and kept trying to make the world a better place. Some of my closest friends, my favorite humans, are members of the LGBTQ community, are men, and are Black Americans. I want all humans to be happy, be kind, work hard, live how they want, love how they want… and drink beer😂 The world when I was a child didn’t define me.
#2 My second self-reflective realization, is that I may have “bias” towards people who appear unsafe for various reasons. I have always been someone who will cross the street to maintain a self-defensive posture if I feel unsafe (which I not only support, but I encourage for personal safety).
The description for an “unsafe” person in my book is not a Black American.
Someone who fits this “unsafe” description for me is:
-Any emotionally-agitated person (any color, any sex, any time of day)
-Any person (any color, any sex) that is out and about when it’s dark at night or the morning (i.e., when I’ve been out running early morning in a big city, I will cross the street if I see any human approaching me).
-Any person (any color, any sex, any time of day) who appears to be under the influence of something (this could be based on their walk/movements, their eyes, any markings (like from needles) on their arms, or if their teeth are significantly deteriorated (indicating possible drug use).
-If I am in an isolated area (like out in the middle of corn fields), where there isn’t a lot traffic, any person (any color, any sex, any time of day), where I feel like their size would prohibit me from protecting myself (this does end up being mostly men, since I’m a taller woman).
-If I’m in a high crime rate area in any city at any time of day, any person (any color, any sex).
-Any person who appears to be suspect in their surroundings or behaviors. For example, this could be a couple of teenagers (any color, or sex) covered in tattoos (mind you, I have 4 tattoos myself and recognize this may be unfair) and looking in garages in a subdivision. This item here I could see as being questioned as being racist, but in more cases than not it has been white people (for me, personally).
I will always err on the side of caution when it comes to protecting myself, and will teach my children to do the same.
These examples I’ve pulled from my past when I’ve lived in Boston, DC, Key West, and now, St. Louis. I don’t see these as racist decisions, but as intelligent risk-based, self-defense-type decisions.
But it does have me questioning why I keep getting told how I feel. How I think. How I hate. This is extraordinarily aggravating, if you are wondering. Hence, the daily use of my punching bag.
Imagine this as an example… someone walks up to me and says:
Person: Lindsey, you’re short.
Me: Ummm, no I’m not.
Person: Yes, you are. You’re short.
Me: Actually, I’m several inches taller than the average height of US women.
Person: Well, if you’re not going to admit you’re short, you’re part of the problem.
Me: (scratching my head, and starting to question my height) That’s so weird… always thought I was tall, maybe I was wrong.
Person: Exactly. You are definitely short.
Me: (after remeasuring my height) What are you talking about? I’M NOT SHORT.
Person: You ARE the problem.
Arghghghgh! This is soooo aggravating. So insulting. So condescending. So NOT productive.
We will get nowhere towards fixing injustice & racism if our approach is to:
1. Tell everyone how they feel & what they believe in.
2. To tell people that if they grew up in a world that tolerated racism, that they weren’t intelligent enough to grow up and become an adult who stands against it.
3. Cause more division by grouping folks by their skin color and making broad stereotypes about the group… like all white people have internal racism, or like all black people are rioters.
4. Start spreading racism or hate towards other types of people. Racism can go any direction.
We are on the edge of a cliff right now as a nation… will we use our good hearts & brains to figure out how to bring our country together? Or will we fall off the edge?
So now for my provocative question —— Since I keep reading that as a white person, I was raised with hate & bias in my heart towards the black community, I have to ask how were Black Americans taught to view me. Can my Black American FB friends tell me if you were taught to hate me (because I was white) when you were young? White friends, comment all you want on this post, but please refrain from posting your opinion on the answer to this specific question.
#imnotshort
#racismcanexistanywhere
#racismcanexistinanydirection
#juststopthehate
