Let me start by saying I’m a zoo-lover.
I’m a zoo-fanatic.
I think I could put my closest 500 friends to a test on who has frequented our zoo more, me or them? And I’m pretty sure I’d win every time.
This caused me to become a zoo member probably 8 – 9 years ago, upping my level each year as I rejoined.
But today the zoo pissed me off… more than once.
Since my last visit a couple weeks back, they’ve changed their COVID/mask mandates.
Instead of open gates/no masks like in mid-July, you now must have masks upon entering the zoo & wear masks inside any of their buildings. They also lowered the age requirement from 9 yo + to 5 yo +. They have several obnoxious signs from the parking lot all the way up to the gate stating so, with my favorite condescending, overreaching, privacy-infringing, passive-aggressive -type warning —-“We trust all unvaccinated customers will keep their masks on for the duration of their visit” (or something dumb like that).
I, of course, did not have a mask, nor did my family, as we walked up to the gate for our (mandatory & fucking stupid/annoying/useless) “reservation time”—but my bitching about their ridiculous reservation process is for a different day/blog.
Our maskless gate check-in chick, scanned my reservation barcode & with a super sweet & salesy-trained smile said, “Now do you all have masks on you, for times when you’re entering our buildings?”
I say, “No, but that’s ok because we won’t go in your buildings because of the mask requirement.”
She’s quick to grab 4 masks from her stand and says, “We still require you have them on you just in case.” WTF? They’re now monitoring if we have masks on our persons?!?!?
Then she states, “And of course they’re also required in bathrooms, since those are buildings.” This one almost caused me to come unglued, because I’ll be damned if I’m going to be spied on and/or controlled in the bathroom. Uhhh, GFY, Zoo!
She then looks directly at Chayce and says, “How old are you?” This also pisses me off, because I’m of the mindset that strangers don’t direct my kids, but instead talk directly to me if you need something. It also felt extra shady since you could tell she did that because she didn’t trust the public to tell her the truth.
We grab our 4 masks from her and quickly walk into the zoo, trying to shake off their overbearing policies since we knew we wouldn’t be entering any buildings & therefore wouldn’t be wearing any masks.
Five minutes (and IDK, every 15-20 minutes thereafter), a recorded message came over the PA to remind us all about their fantastic COVID/mask policies… because we are fucking children and require multiple forms of repetitive lessons on tricky subjects like “when to wear our fucking masks”.
We try to ignore their BS as we make our way up to big cat country (via the outside reptiles & new monkey exhibit), and instead focus our attention on the pleasant STL ninety degree heat & suffocating humidity😂. And surprisingly, we all quickly agree that we have 3 more stops/attractions we can withstand in this heat—-the seals/prairie dogs, the stingrays (our fave), and the dinosaurs.
So down the hill we head, through stop 1 (no issues, great sightings:))… to our fave stop every time! We grab our membership pass & pay for 3 tickets (KS waited this one out), and rushed through the line….only to find out that MASKS ARE REQUIRED FOR THE FUCKING STINGRAYS! WTF! They are NOT in a building?!? It is literally under a pavilion, open on all sides, and yet we are required to wear fucking masks! Even dumbass Fauci stated recently that masks aren’t needed outdoors. So at this point, needless to say, I can barely keep my shit together.
We get ushered into our “designated & numbered 6’ safe space”, and my temper is bubbling behind my eyes. My girls are having a blast, laughing & petting the rays, oblivious to the steam escaping my ears… while I’m focusing on calming my breathing.
And that’s when, “Karen” the zoo employee or volunteer (who knows) walks over… not sure what her name was, but this nickname is rather fitting. She immediately starts correcting my girls form & then tries awkwardly to make conversation.
I can’t take any more of her fake conversation-starters, so I blurt out, “What’s up with the change in mask requirements? I was just here and no masks were required, especially in this attraction… since it’s outside.”
Without missing a beat, she’s says, “Well we are following the city’s lead, but in here it’s because we can’t keep everyone 6’ apart.” Which is bullshit, because they have us all separated in these numbered new areas and they don’t let new people in until a spot is free. So that answer is enough to cause me to lose my cool, but then she tosses up one more doozy for me. She says, “And let’s be honest, we are pretty sure relying on the honor system wasn’t working… I know all the vaccinated people were the only ones walking around with masks on.” Clearly, this virtue-signaling bullshit is ingrained in the zoo culture.
To which I reply, “Oh, I agree”…but I don’t think she recognized my serious sarcasm & opposite viewpoint on all. So, I clarified and said, “I can tell you, that as a longtime member, I’ll be cancelling my membership if these mask-policies don’t end.” And then I grabbed my happy/clueless children, and stomped off to the dinos!
The whole visit has me now questioning my faithfulness to the zoo, and my interaction with “Karen” has we questioning my faith in humanity.
It seems the zoo is more interested in showing their overreaching control over the general public, than they are in how they treat their members.
Hopefully, more and more members & customers will voice their opinions so the leadership will course correct their policies.
As for today, the zoo was a bust.
So, I hate to say it, but Zoo… fuck you too.
#unhappyzoomember